It's time I rebooted my system starting afresh, http://lastly-dispirited.blogspot.com
Profile daniel ng, 14.10.94 http://www.facebook.com/ngyjd.3 http://baby-drummer23.deviantart.com drums; photography; design; pool; gym. victorian slave; 4C. Band Geek no more. 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Sunday, August 31, 2008 200 It's now the second centenary. It's been a hell' of a time. Ahh, to be in pursuit of something you have been longing for such a long time and to finally realise it's of a much lower value than what your truly desire. It dissapoints. I've been indolent about blogging to the point that it transforms itself into complacency, perhaps i've lost all interest, or maybe it's just the time constraint. But if it were, I'd just be lying through my teeth wouldn't I? I'm starting to get tired, that's it. Maybe it's just the effects of fatigue on myself. I need some time to wake myself up and refreshen my spirits. It's just sinking. Wednesday, August 27, 2008 satisfied Hmm, somewhat happy with my slight improvement in results for this term. English- A2 Science- A2 o.O? Chinese- B3 AEP- B3 Math- C5 Geog.- C5 Average score: 66.1/100 Should've done better for math and geog. New blog song, headbang till you get a migrain. Tuesday, August 26, 2008 misinterpret Sigh, hate the so-called "qurrels" with my mum. But I guess it ain't really considered a quarrel when one party just give a mere response of "mmm". I assume you know who's that party. My mum never really seems to understand me for these recent weeks, the more unreasonable she is, the more the parental relationship slips away and drifts off. My behaviour ain't poor, it's just that you sterotype me to be, it's a sad truth in this world that majority of people are judged by their physical appearance. How I wish stress seized to exist, but without it, wouldn't everybody be full of complacency? Tasks that were assigned would never be completed, argh the harsh reality of life disturbs me. The weather really starts to get to me after awhile, and the noise generated from the nearby construction work really doesn't help much for me to "pay attention" in class. Rain + noisy construction work = Loud + Smelly. What's worse is that teachers would fight with the volume of these things and make it all the more chaotic. Inhale Exhale. Choleric I am rendered to be. Oh and to sidetrack, badminton today wasn't as well as I planned, but it was still okay I guess. Managed to regrip my racket. Now I gotta' restring it, argh, the expense for a sport. I might just pick it up all over again, we'll see. On the other hand, the cube competition was kinda' okay. Our team won? Yeah there were just 2 teams but so what, heh, finals here we go, whatever. This post covers whatever topics just pop to my mind. Thinking about shutting down this blog after i've reached the 200th mark, it'd be an achievment. I don't think many of you would care though. Blogs of the past, all failures as regular updates. This would be a first, but it's been tiring. My main priority has been set and my SA2 results has to have at least 2 "A"s and the I would only allow 1 "C" and no failures. A high standard for me could be a very low standard for yourself, but please, I really don't care. My life, my priorities, my goals. To achieve or not to achieve. It's going to reach an all-time low. Monday, August 25, 2008 3D Hmm, wasn't the type of "enriching" day I hoped it would be today. The free-periods during Geog, AEP and somewhat of OPW weren't as fun as I thought they would've been. Sleeping was of the essence during most of the periods but it just wasn't possible with so much noise around in that one hell of a crazy ass class. Lacked proper sleep last night, most time was spent on working on projects, how I hate them. I can never depend on many people whenever i'm assigned to a group. Tank. Hoping that tomorrow's cube competition and badminton session with the others would help enlighten me. School life has been such a chore as of late, nothing of my interest has been catching my attention. CCA tension is stretching and getting really tight, practices are being extended, expectations of standards are raised. Garh, the pressure will keep on stacking up and soon it'll end up like the climax of the game Janga. It's all just going to come tumbling down, but then we'll be stupid enough to start another game. Bleah, thinking about the stress i'm gonna' have next year is just making my head shiver, I can't take responsibility. Perhaps it's time I start getting my act together. Everything happens to be so lucky and fortunate for me, maybe I should just stop relying on them alone and start building up my own character. To stop thinking that everything would fall into its proper place knowing that I haven't done enough on my part, perhaps that's the reason why my standards of results are plummeting down that never-ending hole. I got a patch it up and quick before it gets to a negative point. Bleah. Sunday, August 24, 2008 down Ahh, after re-reading all my previous posts, I start to realise that they are slowly getting sloppier each time. I guess it explains why my number of hits keep decreasing. C'mon I just got my new ad, I gotta' get some visits please(: Yeah, it probably is true, i'm getting lazier by the second. Hmm, realising all my responsibilities just make them harder to shirk. It's going to be a tough time next year. Really, I have nothing to talk about. Just that everything's getting more and more unknown to me. The less I know about the world, the better, I just need a simple life, but who really doesn't huh? Ahh, i'm drawing a blank, technically typing. The more I type when I don't have anything to say, the more ironic it becomes, and more and more bullshit just keeps coming out. I'm now typing about having nothing to type about, how delightful. Here we go all over again. Sigh. I truly respect those people whom are able to lead their lives with such ease and complaisance. Not I didn't just spell "complacent" wrongly. Just how is it possible anyway. Garh, had enough stress on to my schedule, this rubber band is about to snap. Saturday, August 23, 2008 entrance Ah, it's not Singapore without this season every year, monsoon. The endless rain can never prevent us from doing whatever the hell we want. Playing soccer in the rain till we couldn't absorb any more water. But of course all this was after the usual saturday morning band practice, followed by manditory AEP class we had to go for. Wasn't entirely a class, in fact, it wasn't a class at all. We just had to "put on a show" for the visitors that came over, displaying our schools "prominent features". Students in this way are used like tools, merely just to impress others. Heh, I was excused from doing any clay work cos' 3D art really ain't my thing. More of a graphic art type of person. Band practice was average at most, not much happened. Just that some people really get too bloody cocky after they play something well or others play something wrong. If I know my mistake i'll correct it, I really don't need you to rub it in my face, makes me feel a bigger need for me to just throw a punch into your sorry lil' authoritive face. Your just a blind man being led by other blind men. Get your own eye sight for a change how bout' it? Don't act like you know what's right for everybody, cos' you rarely are. I don't get what people see in you for a leader. Wednesday, August 20, 2008 glance Hmm, not much to say for today. Shall write random stuff. Pretty much happy with my Chinese results. Managed to clinch a 33/40 for my oral, hehe. But sadly it only accounts for 20% of my end year result, sigh. Yet i'm pretty much screwed for my maths this term. Expecting a overall grade of about, D7? It's really just not for me. Damn, tomorrow's totally messed up, OPW, tuition, CCA and remedial. How is one to do so much? How easy is it to tick someone off just by taking a glance at him, quite in my case. Tuesday, August 19, 2008 death perception Ahh, perhaps it might not be much of a big deal for people with the untrained eye, but perhaps a trained eye could see the ingenuity of such creativity. If only. Damn, target of 16/25 and 18/30 for Geog and Math respectively. Utter failure is what I have left to say. Complete drought in my mind, your're probably wondering bout' the actual result. So, yeah won't keep you waiting, 14/25 & 13/30. Perhaps i'm a person drifted towards the linguistic side of academics. After all my Chinese has etched in the top score by a mile. Ugh, same old same old, just like last year, back to remedials. Never though common sense could be so difficult. And even so, there is still one paper yet to be handed out to us, Science. My all time favourite subject, is what it will never be. Achieving a "B" is PSLE didn't shock me much but from then I guess it kinda' impacted me that it really wasn't my thing. Sigh, i'd be happy just to get a 15/30 or so. Passing is my benchmark. All I have to do now is wait till I wake up. Or am I even sleeping at all? Is it possible to stretch any further than I already have. Perhaps it's like a rubberband concept, the harder you pull, the more elastic potential force (or whatever you call it) there is. But pull to hard, it snaps and gets you in the face. The only difference between that and me is that i'm not even pulling the damn rubberband. Shit. Monday, August 18, 2008 lisp Perhaps abusing the trust of my father once again wasn't such a good idea though the session of LAN today was fun, but to a minimal extent. Not really proud about that for today, but yet again at least I have some reason to be proud. My target of 50/80 for my chinese paper was overshot and I managed to produce a result of 55.5/80, yay. Pretty happy with my 68.5 overall though I know I could've done a lil' better just to get an extra 1.5 for an A2 or so. Hmph, wasn't as easy to hide my feelings as I thought, yeah i'm sad, but so what. Misery can only be covered by true connoisseurs of the art of hiding. And being indifferent about everything that was happening around me today wasn't exactly part of my true "nature". Yeah sure, i'm pretty bummed over many things happening right now, but the fact that people do care is kind of enough assurance for myself. Heh, sounding so emotional right now, I shall stop lest being accused of once again being "emo". That overused word being so misunderstood. Enough said about today. Just gotta' wait till the end of next week for the holidays. Heh, I made a dollar seventy-eight with that stupid advertising thing by the name of nuffnang, perhaps it wasn't as easy as I thought. It's true when they say there's no such thing as a free lunch in this world. Sunday, August 17, 2008 amazed He can even jam to monophonic ringtones, creativity rules technicality in my point of view. But not like he lacks technical skill or anything, he's full of both. Went for pool today after church, Jesper ps-ed. Haha, i'm slowly getting better, average shots per ball roughly 2.5. Heh. Got this off Joshua's blog, the resemblence of the first few paragraphs are uncanny, haha. Click here for the link. Daniel uses judgment to make decisions. He is ruled by his head, not his heart. He is a cool, collected person who is usually unexpressive emotionally. Some may see him as unemotional. He does have emotions but has no need to express them. He is withdrawn into himself and enjoys being alone. The circumstances when Daniel does express emotions include: extreme anger, extreme passion, and tremendous stress. If someone gets him mad enough to tell him off, he will not be sorry about it later. He puts a mark in his mind when someone angers him. He keeps track of these marks and when he hits that last mark he will let them know they have gone too far. He is ruled somewhat by self-interest. All his conclusions are made without outside emotional influence. He is very level-headed and will remain calm in an emergency situation. In a situation where other people might get hysterical, he has poise. Daniel will work more efficiently if given space and time to be alone. He would rather not be surrounded by people constantly. In a relationship, he will show his love by the things he does rather than by the things he says. Saying "I love you" is not a needed routine because he feels his mate should already know. The only exception to this is if he has logically concluded that it is best for his mate to hear him express his love verbally. Daniel is not subject to emotional appeals. If someone is selling a product to him, they will need to present only the facts. They should present them from a standpoint of his sound judgment. He will not be taken in by an emotional story about someone else. He will meet emergencies without getting hysterical and he will always ask "Is this best for me?" Daniel tends to write a bit smaller than the average person. When a person's letters are small and tiny, this indicates an ability to focus and concentrate. This character trait is a huge asset in careers like math, science, race car driving, and flying planes. However, if Daniel writes tiny all of the time, he will also display characteristics of someone who is socially introverted. Daniel will often sit on the sideline and watch others get the attention at parties. he might be willing to open up and be warm, but only in small groups or a select group of people. When he is busy working on a project, it is common for all other noises and distractions to just fade away and his ability to focus is incredible. When he says "he didn't hear you", he really means, he didn't hear you. Daniel will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. Daniel believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride. Daniel will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want his opinion, don't ask for it! Daniel is a cumulative and procedural thinker. He likes to have all the facts before making a decision. He thinks or creates much like a brick mason, stacking fact upon fact. His thought pattern or the conclusion will not be complete until the last fact is in place. Like that brick wall, Daniel learns faster through visual demonstration than through quick verbal instructions. Once he has learned new material, and understood it, he won't forget. Daniel is a methodical thinker, therefore he is able to build things and come up with new ideas. In an argument, he often loses to rapid thinking people because he is thinking thirty minutes later about what he should have said. These people often are very booksmart, but can be out-gunned in a rapid fire verbal debate. He may learn new ideas at a slower pace than other "less detailed" people, but once he gets it, he can handle repetition. Some people hate jobs with too much repetition, he can handle it better than most. Daniel is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts. he finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Daniel basically feels good about himself. He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success. He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to. However, he sets his goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, his self-perception is better than average. Daniel has a temper. He uses this as a defense mechanism when he doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around him. Something is incomplete in Daniel's life. He feels frustration relating to his physical needs and desires. Somewhere in his life there is some disappointment, non-fulfillment, and interruption. This is very likely to relate to Daniel's sexual needs. For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer's attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space. If the inputted data was correct Daniel has left lots of white space on the right side of the paper. Daniel fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion. If this is true, then Daniel has an unhealthy relationship to the past and has a fear of moving forward. The right side of the page represents the future and Daniel seems unwilling to face the fear of getting started living now and planning for the future. Daniel seems to be clinging to past events and spending lots of time thinking about what happened. It would be best to leave the past behind and move on. Stop crowding that left margin. Friday, August 15, 2008 indencency Well judging by how the Science test was carried out today, i'd say i've lowered my expecations down to about umm, 18/35 maybe? I'd be glad if I passed. My mind was totally spaced out but heh, look on the "bright side" my sorry excuse for exams are finally over. It was just practically four days of small tests, but still, pressurising. Looking back at the previous few posts, I notice how sloppy they are gradually turning in to. Would have the pathetic reason of not being "inspired" to do so, but what kinda' reason is that. Pretty much just to cover up for my lazy being, heh. Argh, though the CA week has blown over, the "reconcilement" between me and my CCA has just started to build itself up again. There goes all my free time to "study" and do what not. Ugh, can't imagine all of the time it's gonna' take up once again, sigh. Say goodbye to Tuesdays, Fridays and Saturdays, not even mentioning the 5 hours of individual practice we all gotta' do yet. It's tough work yes? It's tough prioritising your own time when you hardly have any of your own to begin with. But strangely, the little bit of free time in my posession always seems to go to waste. Aiy, the future is truly bleak, but I guess it really is about how I want to shape it for myself and how life takes it's natural course to make it turn out. Truly I speak of no lies, that decisions will definitely have to be made. I've always wanted to drop out of the school to transfer to somewhere else, perhaps more suitable for me to adapt. That idea has to vanish and such trifles should not be in my mind for now. Well for now, I guess I just have to follow wherever my feet want to take me too, till then, we choose a path. I leave you with the low quality musical stylings of me... Pathetic you may say, but what difference does it make to me? Thursday, August 14, 2008 backwards Wow, it was a productive day today, for drumming that is. Drummed away my sorrows and worries that manages to find their way in to my thoughts. And in conclusion, loudness beats emotions anytime, heh. Did a "All The Small Things" cover, not very good though, haha, will post in on youtube soon or something, heh. Chinese paper was easier than expected today, though I still have my doubts about scoring well for there always is that qsychological disadvantage I carry where I feel the paper is so easy that end up failing it terribly. Weird how these strange things occur. Post of little words this shall be, and I shall end off with failing my science paper tomorrow. It's just not my thing. Wednesday, August 13, 2008 maven I've always made empty promises and here I shall go again. My expectations of myself for this CA week, and there's a high probability that I really ain't gonna' fulfil these aspirations. Here they are (Papers only): Geography: 16/25 Maths: 22/35 Chinese: 49/80 Science: 25/40 Take note, these are only expectations, and I think they're already fairly below average, so if I really don't manage to live up to this promise, I think i've dissapointed myself one time too many. Would be glad if I managed to scrape a pass of maths though, found the paper fairly easy, but my muddle-headed self just refused to let me pen down much, sigh. Here we go again, the ups and downs all over again. And yet the nagging mother has to add on to my long list of burdens, what precison timing she has. She thinks I have changed so much when I feel she's the one that has been overshadowed by age. Her reasoning is becoming more senseless but yet I will never allow myself the authority to speak up for I know who's in charge here, I have enough problems as it is. Aiy, CCA on the last day off CA week still bums me out. Spoils the occasion of originally planning a game of pool or a lan session perhaps? Garh, i'm starting to hate English more than Chinese. Some would say i'm insane, but it's not due to the difficulty level, it's all due to teachers involved. Sure my Chinese teacher ain't the best, but at least I can tell she's trying, pretty hard at that. And my English teacher, don't get me started, i'd rather remain silent and void all troubles. It's the least of my worries. Hypocrisy is just something we should take note of. Argh, that pretentious voice ringing in my head, Singaporean trying to speak English = BAD ACCENT. So stop pretending like your English is flawless. Mood: -.-" Monday, August 11, 2008 over Well typical day today, studied for abit and went down to Pasir Ris Interchange to get my new ez-link card done, ugh the wastage of time and money. Not much to say but CAs start tomorrow and though there are just a few minor tests, I really gotta' do well just to prove my parents wrong. I can't help but feel problematic in their eyes. Disapointment is a hard point to prove wrong, but I shall try my best. At least a B3 for all subjects would be a good target I guess. Garh, I better concentrate hard and just do my damn best already. It's tiring whenever you try so hard, but what would be the point if you weren't tired? It would be taken advantage of, given the mentality it would always be easy. Ah, spouting nonsense again. The breaking of a meare porcelain bowl can cause the implosion in the house of the Ngs. That's just how it is in my family. Lets go. additions It'll just keep getting bigger and bigger. Thinking about doing another work on the other wall, heh. Sunday, August 10, 2008 missed Similar to a game of solitaire, you can't really tell which card you're missing till you approach the end of the game. I start to miss that old feeling. That warmness and sense of completeness that makes you a whole individual. Can't help but miss that feeling of being "embraced", and always having that person beside you. It's lost and this game of solitaire can't be complete till I find those missing cards. Perhaps I should start looking for the aces, the very foundation for the whole game. What good would it be anyway? Of course that feeling of ecstasy would be present, but so what if you won that game of solitaire? You'll always want to play it another time, and another time. It's a vicious cycle, but will the game of solitaire forever satisfy your needs? Perhaps you'll just have to keep the cards to yourself. Right now i'm confused on which cards to keep and which cards I should throw away and forget about forever, tough decisions I have to make. Argh, the Sunday blues feeling gets me again. However hard I try, I tend to slip off the edge and enter a daze whenever I concentrate on doing something, going into hibernation and waking up just in time for dinner. Somehow the essence of Sunday prevents you from doing much work. Could it be God's will for you not to work on the Sabbath, heh. At least I didn't doze off today. I actually managed to catch up with my studies, but I don't think i'm going to win the race anyway. Hmm, try harder is all I can tell myself. Perhaps studying should become an often thing for me... Nah. Didn't play at my "best" for this morning's worship but what the heck, I tried. Cold shivering hands does affect your playing though. To sidetrack, I got some new earphones for a pretty reasonable price, 27 bucks and they're great for jamming along, noise isolation (: It's another day off tomorrow and I really got to consider what to do with my time carefully. Considering taking up a morning run, need to do some de-stressing. Yet again, I gotta' make my new EZ-link card, forgot to bring identification today, ugh T_T Oh yes, do me a favour and invite more people to come to this site please! I just got my AD today, and I need more visits to make cash :D Saturday, August 9, 2008 festivities Ah, what happened to the usual festivities celebrated during National Day where relatives would gather for dinner? This year's NDP was exceptionally boring, but at least I didn't have to go to school. Hmm, kinda' an upset for me, I was aspiring to have a tad bit of enjoyment before the CA2s commence. Well I kinda' had a blast yesterday I guess. Heh, really gotta' do some last minute studying, especially for bio, don't understand nuts about it, at least their only tests, not exams. At least watching the parade on TV wasn't much of a let down. Seeing people and performers putting on their best to give us simpletons a great show to talk about. Some were, how you say? Unique? Heh, enjoyed some performances that I thought I would never enjoy, maybe that's the meaning of true entertainment. Well let's move on to today. Well the only thing I had on today was worship practice, and I guess it went kinda' well I guess. Headed to Pasir Ris interchange to make a new EZ-link card, but how could I forget, it's a public holiday. Garh, wasted another 55 cents. I've collected about 20 bus tickets ever since I lost my card. Hmm, 20 times 55? 11 dollars for public transport over a couple of weeks, heh, that's sad how we never notice how much we pay. Just tap your card and when it's outta' cash, get your parents to give you some cash to top it up. Anyway, my dad actually thought I was lying to him about having worship practice today. Called me and asked me where I was, he thought he had seen me at Katong, but I was at Pasir Ris, that's pretty far away eh? Nothing's worse than losing the trust of your parents. Of course, i've misused the "power" of trust given to me, but who doesn't slip up once in awhile huh? It's only human ain't it? Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative's house when desaster strikes you; better a neighbour nearby than a relative far away, for riches do not endure forever, and a crown is not secure for all generations. We just gotta' know what we have in our possesion. It's true that you don't really know what you have until it's lost. Friday, August 8, 2008 inconsistency Phew, a whole day out and i'm totally stumped. Walking back alone at 10.30 at night can be pretty scary when you're at the reservoir. Started off the day with someone fainting while the principal was delivering his speech, and he really didn't seem to care much about the guy when he sorta' fainted. You mean we ought to listen to what you have to say rather than care about somebody's safety? Just a tad bit selfish eh? Ah anyway, 3 cohords of students made to run approximately 4km? Though I still don't really understand why, I ran anyway. Garh, feel pissed off with myself for giving in to the temptations of "LAN-ing" when the CAs are just next week, and I haven't even found out their exact dates yet. Ugh, well at least the time at the LAN was kinda' promising, though the pool tables we completely booked. Met Jesper and Gabriel there, heh, guess their usual patrons huh. Yet after the going for a "gaming session", still went over to a friend's house, and damn, wii's are real fun to play. They say money can't buy happiness. I beg to differ after seeing how well furnished some people's houses really are. Ornaments that serve no purpose but to take up precious space, is it a nessecity or was it bought out of impulse. Materialism, does shit to you. Ahh, better turn in for an early night, got worship practice tomorrow. Anyway, happy birthday Singapore in 59 minutes. We've come a heck of a long way. But somehow, it feels like the Beijing Olympics are overshadowing our own nation-wide event. Hmm, 43 and still going strong, not bad. Thursday, August 7, 2008 floodplain Monday, August 4, 2008 bitter Didn't get much of a chance to even touch the computer yesterday. Brother was practically hogging it for the whole day, and at times, he wasn't even using it. Ahh, can't blame him though, didn't expect him to be able to last even a few weeks away from "civilisation", heh. Finally come to the realisation that we have finally moved on to the month of August, and all that time spent in the holidays have mostly gone to waste. Such a pity, that when time is in our hands, we toss it away, and when we are oh so desperately in need of time, we blame others for not having enough of it. Ah the irony. It's all passing by so fast, and I really don't want to wake up and find myself asleep in my own bathroom floor. That's the extent of how tired I am nowadays. Band, band and more band. Sorry it's called VICTORIA SCHOOL concert band for a reason. What's in front of that phrase will come first in my priorities, like it or not, it's my choice. Frustrated with so many changes taking place in such a brief period of time right now. It sucks to see that some positions so deeply aspired by one can mutate him to some sort of monster. Authority isn't right for some people to hold, and yet they give such carefully masked impressions that they have the right to hold such power within themselves. Don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to say that I could do a better job, but I just think you don't have the proper aptitudes for this position. You give me the impression that your trying to show how much you love this CCA, but sorry I don't share the same passion. Sure you can go all out and make this your future career or something, just don't drag me into any of this. I got better things to do with my time. Though my life seems like it functions in such a routined manner, i'm trying to break out of this stupid "cycle", if you may. It's always a daily thing, wake up, go to school, come back home (or band or whatever), turn on the computer, and start stoning. I'm pretty much okay for the whole thing except for that last stage of stoning. I need to make better use of my time, exams are already next week, and I just knew about it today. What good is a promise made if you know you can't keep it, sigh. Saturday, August 2, 2008 pros and cons Colours xD At last, I can strike off that event on the 2nd of August off my calendar and be at rest for some of my burdens have been lifted off my shoulder. Too much can be said about today, but I shall keep it simple. Performance wasn't all bad, it had its pros and cons, but many parts of today I hope I never have to relive again. The shifting of instruments, the punishments and once again, that "thing" that never fails to go away, arrogance. Sure it always manages to get the better side of you, but you ain't gotta' flaunt everything single thing that you're better at than others, it's really pissing me off. Argh, but enough about speech day, let's talk about life. (In general :p) I've always been talking about how many decisions i've regretted, but finally, I have woken up and realised that life ain't all about how your life is going. Neither is it about how great you think you are. It's about the difference you make in other people's lives that make the biggest impact. When people were to ask at your funeral, what has this man achieved? Sure if you were a successful man, you would have a whole list of wonderful achievements. But if you helped people and made strong positive changes to their lives, wouldn't that leave a longer lasting impression in peoples' minds? Would you rather be remembered for fame or compassion? Surely, failure is a stripping away of the inessential. So stop pretending to be anything other than you really are, and start using that energy to do something for a better cause. Now I sound like a charity organiser, heh. But really, that's how life goes, the weak die and the strong survive. These harsh living conditions have caused our behaviour in our "natural habitat" to make a drastic change. What's the most important thing in life to you other than yourself. Of course you would have to treasure your life, but leaving that aside, what truly matters most to you? Studies? Friends? Smokes? Heh, forget about the last one, but you get the drift. It's a tough task to be able to wait patiently to get your so-called "revelations" to find out what really is your looking for. But you can travel around the world and you may never find anything. Guess it's God's way of conveying his greater plans for you. Look out for those signs. Look out for those open roads. "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent but it takes a touch of genius, and a lot of courage, to move in the opposite direction."
I'm coming back with a goal and nothing is gonna' stop me.