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It's time I rebooted my system
starting afresh, http://lastly-dispirited.blogspot.com
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daniel ng, 14.10.94http://www.facebook.com/ngyjd.3 http://baby-drummer23.deviantart.com drums; photography; design; pool; gym. victorian slave; 4C. Band Geek no more. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
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Thursday, October 30, 2008
no I've just been too tired as of late. CLICK HERE! Wednesday, October 29, 2008
obliterated   Randomnity. Sigh, what has happened over the past 3 years to you my brother? Through the ups and downs you were my spine. What has happened to you this brother of mine? You were that loving and caring friend I had, but now the power of love has made your blood shed. You are the one who brought me amusemnt in school, the one who taught me how to act like a fool. But what has love done to your cherished life, to make yourself shed blood by a knife. But just know this you dear brother of mine, You are treasured in my heart forever in time. Uphold your body and foster your life, For I shall not let the devil take you with his scythe. Be still for I need to take a closer look at your face, All I want to do is to erase all that hate. I'm aware of your current depressed state, But just know one thing, there's no such thing as fate. For you to know that people enamor your life, Is a reason itself for you not to end it. Though your heart rifes with melancholy. I beg of you not to perform acts of folly. Slit. No. -Daniel -It's all very depressing. Tuesday, October 28, 2008
void Lonely is The Traveler, who travels all alone Lonely is the Traveler, who is without a home Lonely is the Traveler, who has no one to care Lonely is the Traveler, who has no one to share The Lonely Traveler is oh so sad-- The Lonely Traveler gave all the tears he had The Lonely Traveler is the guardian of the love, hope and dreams Oh so it seems-- Now the world will have to pay for The Traveler goes away-- For no one would listen--no one paid attention to the warnings The Traveler had I'm but a Lonely Traveler who travels space and time The warnings I gave were not new nor were they mine. They came from another time. Monday, October 27, 2008
bbq -Those damn cheesy one-liners get me going.- Ahh, ping pong, food, soccer and chips. What else but a perfect and tiring bbq. That's all. Saturday, October 25, 2008
stale Wow, it's been a long time since some exercising has been done and I nearly went out of breath. Ugh, just a usual boring day at band with the same usual talk. Headed back home and stoned, literally. Nothing special, nothig at all. Hmm, how I wish some things would just disappear just to make my life easier, but then again, would that even be called life at all? I guess it would be "cheating" eh. Ahh, I guess I'll just have to think of the past. Some memories will be treasured, but some will be specially picked to be forgotten. Perhaps a few chosen ones would be able to be immortalised for eternity, etched in stone in my mind. Guess it all happens for a "reason". Friday, October 24, 2008
never Ahh, looking through the personal messages of people on my contact list. Everything seems to be exactly the same. The standard one would go as follows: 2_(class name)'08, i'll miss you/ some other cheesy heart-ache line. All I have to say is damn it i'm happy that i'm departing from the whacky-ass class of mine. So many people full of complete bullshit just can't keep their mouths shut. Hopefully my appeal from triple science goes in. VS3C here I come? It's a desire that might be held back due to 0.38 worth or marks. Ironic that fate will be decided based on such a puny sized amount of intellectual capacity. How it irks me. I don't wanna' go to a 7-sub class, it scares me how it might affect my education. Ah, enough of school, it's over and done with. Let's move on and stop talking about how you're gonna' miss your dear class, with all those happy times and laughter you shared. Sure I've had some in my class, but i've had more hatred rather than laughter in me for a long time. It's time I let it all go eh? niacin Option 1:  Option 2:  A little help with the decision? Thursday, October 23, 2008
grad Ahh, just drink whatever's on my mind away. Frustrations, worries and whatever else that I can think of. Just take me to cloud 9 and let me rest there forever. What a bloody year it's been, and though I sound like i'm posting this on 31st Dec, it's only the end of October. I despise the fact about how everybody is posting about such a wonderful school, class and all the entertainment they have received over this school year. Well all I can say is that fuck that. It's time to party till I puke out my insides. I'm glad the torment is over, specific people and teachers shall be abandoned by me. Some of them not even worthy of a holding the title of "teacher" let alone even have a damn occupation. Not that i'm blaming any teachers for any results, just saying that teachers might have a certain requirement to actually "TEACH" because that's what I think they ought to do don't you? Stuck up hypocrites just have no right to impart any education to what they call their beloved students. Yet how can we only mention the dark side leaving no room for the light? Definitely, there are teachers that have proven thier stand and taken the patience to understand the life of a student. Teachers usually never understand the change that has taken place since their times as a student and a typical modern-day student when pressure is build up on one's shoulders until the weight is simply too much to handle. Whereas is in the past, studying was not even a mere concern of any parent. Sigh, how misunderstood. I hate being reminded about the past, even about the good things. Nothing good ever seems to come out of it anyway, so what's the point. It's been a hell of a day. So good riddens jackasses. Wednesday, October 22, 2008
fruits Here we are. Tomorrow's the last day of school for this year, and damn it, it has been so bloody fast to keep track with. Sometimes time is just moving at a pace that its not suppose to move at I guess. Results haven't exactly been up to standard this year. Dissapointed with myself for certain reasons. But yet i'm slightly satisfied with my accomplishments for the end-years. 3As, 1B and 2Cs. Mmm, whatever I do, I will always be average and just above that border line. It's time that took a change for the better. No more slacking next year. Damn it man. Nicotine is not the way to go. You committed such deeds that are so tough to be forgiven yet you still test my concern for you. You're a brother man, don't do this to yourself. However burdened by sorrow you might be, it's just not a good way to face it. Lies have been told and deceptions have been made. No more of that shall I want to be a part of, just try your best. Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Fear Not There are many Phobias and fears Causing consternation Jitters or tears Like agoraphobia Fear of open spaces Parks and fields And public places They are by definition Irrational by nature Fear of things Causing discomfiture Angora phobia is If I know no better The irrational fear Of a Mohair sweater Sunday, October 19, 2008
persistent Ah, will freedom ever exist in reality? Stuck within the confinements of home while others desperately are in need of one. How appreciative are we about the things we possess, most of the time, it's just never. Even the education we receive, is more of a dread rather than a blessing, still others struggle to read or even speak. Living by each long day for many is such a gruelling task to complete, but so we think. Never really thought about how people in other countries would live their lives. One thing's for sure, not like us. Ah but the problems that continue flowing in to our lives will never cease to exist and it'll just keep coming. Perhaps people were never meant to endure such bullshit in the little planet we call home, unless we were the cause of it all, which is what I stronly believe. Sigh, posts are getting sloppier as each day passes. I don't have a very good mindset about school currently, perhaps it's affecting me. Saturday, October 18, 2008
foot Damn, I had no idea bus rides could be so painful. Simple story, I sat on a single-deckered bus and I was standing up. Some girl was standing too and I had no idea she was wearing heels. The bus stopped and she jerked and her heel just stabbed my foot, the end. The part where my foot got stepped on is beginning to swell up. Gah, it was a long walk home. How I enjoy adults acting childish. It's a show alright. Friday, October 17, 2008
competitive Well, all I can say that today is a bad day for any competitions whatsoever. The glory just barely an inch away from our reach, but eventually just gets stolen away from us. Hmm, it's the last day for the "post-exam activities" which means that next week the dreaded return of our papers will be due. It frightens me. Anxiety is all I can say, I know I can sorta' do well, but damn careless mistakes are one of my hobbies. Heard from a friend that I got 48/70 for the Chinese paper. Not bad is all I can say. Actually, considering the highest is 51.5, i'm pretty content with it. Heh, when life gives you lemons, squirt it in people's eyes and cause them pain. Then make lemon juice. Ah, it's a tiring day, and I think my feet are angry with me, especially my big toe hooked to my left leg. It has a giant blister, a small blood clot and an in-grown toe nail. Everything just hurts, sigh. Guess that is the result of constant soccer sessions eh? Thursday, October 16, 2008
ached Ahh soccer sessions lasting for at least 2 hours each for 3 consecutive days straight isn't a very simple task to complete without sustaining minor yet painful injuries, and yet we can't stop. Tomorrow's the inter-class competition and hopefully we perform up to a better standard than the previous year. Damn, my back, legs and feet are aching all over. Stupid blisters just keep appearing out of nowhere just to make my day more miserable. Walking is a drag. But through it all, it's just in the name of fun. I guess it does come at a price after all eh. I hate the way that reality starts to shove its disgusting mutilated side right in my face. To show me how atrocious some people can be. Their mannerisms, their behaviour and their mere acts of stupidity just to prove that they are always right. It really makes me wonder, how these people are brought up. Among angsty outcast groups of teens? Or perhaps they would walk down a solitary path of confinement where boundaries surround them, never giving a chance for anything. It truly makes me wonder. The shear arrogance of these people is enough to disgust my insides. And yet it triggers a emotion where I kinda' feel sorry for them, but yet my intestinal juices are boiling, my mind just restraining me from doing some explicit things. Well, I guess that's reality for you. If I ever get a job, i'll probably end up having some weird despicable colleague. Maybe these are just tests and obstacles that you have to go through, lest you never truly understand the meaning of childishness. Tuesday, October 14, 2008
14 Hehe, 14 is a kick-ass number. Mmm, results are coming out next week and yes, one man's thrash is the next man's treasure. Smart people would aspire an average grade of an A1 but their "thrash" outcome would be a B3 or even an A2, and hell yeah that's my treasure. Well I gotta' prepare for a really long holiday, and it might be a really boring one. So I've been trying to pick up the bass lately, heh pretty fun stuff. Ugh, why does school commitments always have to ruin the easy going period for somebody. My mind has a preset that i'm heading on for a vacation but albeit is called a HOLIDAY, school's never over and I guess it pretty much follows you for the rest of your life eh. It will always be a drag. Well life goes on, and it's hibernating time. 94 Heh, check out the date this post is on, and check out the number on the left, you know... The one that says "141094', yeah 14 years and still going strong, lets see what else is there. Saturday, October 11, 2008
end Well it's hard to accept, but the end-year exams have come to an end, well excluding the art exam next monday that is. I'm still trying to sink in to this strange mood. It's hard to believe how fast time can pass by when you're not really taking much notice of it. One minute it's chinese new year, the next it's christmas. Well, I guess i'm gonna' enjoy my just deserts of relaxation and tranquility for the next few days. School's gonna' be fun for a change, poker cards here we go. But though the easy-going period has come, i'm afraid of feeling aimless during the holidays rather than enjoying the benefits of freedom from education. Perhaps I should take up a part-time job? Hiring anybody? Well all I can do now is wait I guess. Let's just see what fruits the tree of my labour shall bare. Wednesday, October 8, 2008
ceased The cessation is almost here, just a tad bit more. Sunday, October 5, 2008
alpha Alpha and Omega. I shall await the latter. The safety bars are on and the ride's about to begin, it's now that I finally realise the meaning of perspective. Saturday, October 4, 2008
tipsy Well, it's really been awhile now. Truly it has been a swift year, as I always said in all my previous posts. I really am dreading the arrival of next week. Tests that distribute students according to their intelligence level always seems somehow wrong to me, but what can I do. Such little things such as this, if you look at it from a bigger perspective, it really contains much more impact on your life than you think it does. The company you mix with, the teachers you get and others. I guess it really makes a difference eh. Though time is moving so quickly and I want it just to go tad bit slower, it can never be possible, no matter how hard I try. So I've just got to live with it and hope for the best. I'm going in with all I got and i'm coming back with my head held high no matter what. I know what i've done and I certainly know what I deserve and even though some things don't go as originally planned, I still grasp that hope that it'll all eventually work out to the fullest. Nothing can describe my desire or how much I aspire the coming of next friday, for that day. Once in this year, I shall be relieved of all "educationa" duties. Like a soldier being released from camp, that feeling of freedom to be able to spread your wings to fly away, no longer confined by the means of school and the burden of examinations that constantly dwell in your head. Whether I perform well or not, sure it makes a difference, but no matter the result, I shall be glad although the fun can only last so long. The things going in my mind and my heart. Its like a blender set to full speed with feelings such as anxiety, anticipation, panic but most importantly, that garden of eden moulded in my mind where my worries are detached from myself and where it's a place I can personally call paradise. Just picture it. You're in a 100km marathon and you've worked your ass off for it, and finally you edge closer and closer to that finishing line and it matters not whether the trophy has already been claimed. You finished the race and damn it you're going to be happy for that. It will be a heck of a joy ride, but hey, that's life for you. God give me the will power and strength. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 3:13-14 |
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I'm coming back with a goal
and nothing is gonna' stop me. |
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