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It's time I rebooted my system
starting afresh, http://lastly-dispirited.blogspot.com
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daniel ng, 14.10.94http://www.facebook.com/ngyjd.3 http://baby-drummer23.deviantart.com drums; photography; design; pool; gym. victorian slave; 4C. Band Geek no more. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Tagboard
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Saturday, December 20, 2008
fcuk Back from camp, and damn I don't know what I should be feeling. Tired, pissed, high, liberated or even sad. I'm just too bloody confused to think about anything. Church has so many things working out for me and yet many things that just screw with my mind. I shall resist as much as possible from swearing so as to not ruin the mood in this post. How would I put it? If each thing going on in church was like some car in the F1 race, my mind would be blasting its top off right now. Imagine that you placed a bet on a car and they had to travel light-years to determine a winner. How much anticipation would there be? I really don't know what I should be doing in there any more. There are great people, there are people that just tick me off, but ain't I suppose to cope with that? Fuck it, just too many things going on already. If anybody were to think their life was not blessed, it would have to be a pretty bad predicament to be in. Sure I might be complaining about this and that, possible aches and pains in several areas including feelings perhaps. But amidst the hustle and bustle during camp, I finally find out about how life sorta' works it ways around your head, playing tricks with you. Maybe I kinda' grasped a tiny lil' idea, but hey I got the rest of my life to figure that out. In this life of mine, if I were to place each and every person I met in several categories, the list of categories would be never-ending. Perhaps the reason behind that is due to the fact nobody is the same. But what if they were categories of behaviour, surely some people do act similarly. I admit, I do admire many people from church who can juggle so many events and yet seem so carefree, the work of God I guess. But surely I do see the stress they encounter from handling the many activities, but to get joy out of that is something priceless. I ought to feel happy for some people but the evil brother of that is jealousy which fucking sucks. I just gotta' clear my head of irrelavant things happening right now. If my eyes were to shed tears, they would be tears of joy. But what if those tears were blood, shed as I were happy for the ending of dismal happenings in life. That would be they day where trouble seized to exist in anybody's lives which would be practically impossible. Nonsense starts to spout out of your mouth when your emotions are driving you fucking mad. INFLAMED, BLESSED, JOVIAL, DISCONCERTED, DISCONSOLATE. Just stop filling my mind with these pathetic fantasies to believe in. Another reason why fiction books fail to entice me. I need somebody to allow me to pour everything out. |
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I'm coming back with a goal
and nothing is gonna' stop me. |
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