It's time I rebooted my system starting afresh, http://lastly-dispirited.blogspot.com
Profile daniel ng, 14.10.94 http://www.facebook.com/ngyjd.3 http://baby-drummer23.deviantart.com drums; photography; design; pool; gym. victorian slave; 4C. Band Geek no more. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close Tagboard Tagboard Ads Exits adeline ahdes annabella's shop anna anne ashraf audrey azalea ben bertrand celine christopher colleen colin collin crystal clarice daniel daniel chia david SG david;brother darren debbie deborah denise engchuan elvina felicia gabriel[vs] gabriel jac janeen jeff jerlynn jesper joel jong jianjun kai juan karen kelly liang zhi liyan mandie marie marcus meizhi melinda melissa natalie nicole qianying rachel rayson rifdi ryan sam.p samantha wong sarah serene shabbna shafeeq shaun sheldon siRong siewting solihin stephanie veronica weining weeqin wenya yixiang youth ministry! yuzhen Archives November 2007 December 2007 January 2008 February 2008 March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 December 2010 Credits ©Glamouresque.	Friday, January 30, 2009 aroused It's funny how I can still cycle while disoriented. Though i'm not exactly travelling in very straight lines. I'm bordering more on the wavy outline side ya' know? Heh. I find it sorta' weird that the school week has come to an end so early. No complaints though, not like I dislike or anything. Perhaps it's the same concept as jet lag or something. The festive mood is still in me. Maybe it's the fact that Chinese New Year actually lasts for fifteen days, and day five fails to impress. Nothing much for today I guess. Sigh, school tomorrow. Thursday, January 29, 2009 unreal Haha, you'll be surprised how many people go out at night for runs. I love night cycling, especially when accompanied by my best friends, gets your mind off things ya' know? Though I wish there were less people some times, heh. Argh, I gotta' start completing my chinese holdiay homework already. I'm just toying with my teacher's patience right now. Crap, meet the parents session tomorrow, I hope I've made a good impression. I've completed all my math assignments though :D Good sign that is. One more letter and one more compo to go is all, and i'm done. Oh and i've yet to find my stupid book I need to read up for that damn chinese test. Apparently it accounts for a big portion of the CA1 results. Garh, i'm screwed. Oh and another thing, happy birthday Russell! We've come a long way, haha, enjoy and squeeze every drop of fun you can. Well, at other people's expense that is. Have a swell time in Aussie yeah? I'm just trying to drag on as much as I possibly can so that I don't have to do my damn holiday homework. It'll come haunting me sooner or later anyway. Well then, I guess it's time I left, chao. Tuesday, January 27, 2009 21 Haha, I love "21". Such an awesome number. Started off with a foundation of $54? Finally closed the night with a hundred and twenty-two bucks. Multiplied my foundation by about 2.59 fold. Awesome, at least it makes up for the lil' two dollar red packets we got this year. But what the heck, Chinese New Year ain't about the cash, okay maybe a little bit. But it's the fun of your relatives. Though i'm still unsure of the names of my cousins from my mother's side. Well, it was a fun first day of CNY, but though it was a rather typical one, still enjoyed myself thoroughly. The closing words for tonight? BAN LUCK! Sunday, January 25, 2009 scream nag fire There never was one day that my mother never screamed in this house. I pray that this isn't what age does to you, brings in horrendous amounts of paranoia to yourself. Sometimes it feels like it's such an awesome family, but yet when my mother brings out some monstrous side of herself, it all breaks down and everybody's black-faced. What a better time for everyone to get pissed but on Chinese New Year Eve? How nice. Just stop screaming for once already. I feel like something's wrong with my mother's side of the family. Perhaps it was the upbringing. Argh whatever, i'll just try to enjoy what I have for this Chinese New Year. I can tell it's so going to be a blast. And by the way, it's hard to express any hints of sarcasm through the art of typing, so yeah I hope you get the drift. 1 more hour to go. I need the income, badly. Saturday, January 24, 2009 dead? Heh, just recently learnt that my mom had a miscarriage sometime in between the birth of my sister and my brother. I can't imagine the impact it would have on my life. I would probably seize to exist or even the thought of me wouldn't even occur. Strange how a life lost makes up for a life gained. Deep stuff man. If my mom never went overseas while she was carrying her baby or something, this entry wouldn't even be posted, let alone this blog even. Ah besides the "life-changing" facts, the CNY mood ain't really settling in to me, perhaps it's my body calendar resisting to adapt to the early celebrations this year. My house is nearly naked in terms of decorations. An "ang-pao" fish hung on the food basket is all that covers anything. Screw all the overdue homework, I don't feel like doing anything for school any more. It's not doing anything for me but making things worse. Funny how education works its ways to force you to hate no matter how much you don't want to. Grr, bring on the financial aid/income. 2 more days. Now do me a favour and spare me five minutes of your time, http://baby-drummer23.deviantart.com/ Wednesday, January 21, 2009 bling If "-" x "-" = "+", "cut hair" x "cut hair" = "long hair"? Apparently not, but what better way to find out the answer but by testing the equation by yourself. Wow, now it's uncomfortably short. Tuesday, January 20, 2009 hair Wow, school couldn't get any worse, other than P.E, everything else pretty much sucked today. Ahh, DM got me to cut my hair, came home at 7.30 today so not exactly a premium time to get a haircut eh? How else but just to do it yourself, and damn. I think I can cancel of barber as one of my professions in the future. Nothing much for today, but i'm tired. Just very tired. Not just tired physically, but tired of school and such cocky people you find at school. Monday, January 19, 2009 school... The transition from a secondary 2 student to a secondary 3 student is a hell of a leap. There's such a big difference in the magnitude of homework given. I probably have 3 or more assignments overdue already. Can't take much more of the retarded lessons. The teachers' voices are like lullabies to me, everything puts me to sleep. Math lesson is demoralizing, it seems i'm getting dumber and my english is probably detioriating each time that woman speaks to "impart knowledge unto us". I already have problems spelling "detioriate", can somebody tell me if that's the proper spelling? o.O SIAN is probably the only word I can use to describe school right now. Can't wait for CNY celebrations. I'm gonna' savour the 72 hours away from school as they were the last ever days of my life. Sunday, January 18, 2009 school Fucking mac just keeps hanging, and the fact that one of your siblings keeps fucking downloading shit and doesn't delete doesn't help much either. Especially hate it when you're doing school work ya' know? People have more important things to do rather than watch stupid torrented shows. Wednesday, January 14, 2009 moult Wow, i've met some old buddies who've changed since pri. school times but never to this extent. Something like that is pretty wreckless, especially when I thought you were somewhat mature and sensible enough to differenciate right from wrong. Maybe it's my fault for not realising what kind of fool you have been all these years? I'd rather not put you down for I might not have reliable sources to the truth of this entire episode. Tuesday, January 13, 2009 cha-ching Ahh, I feel like starting a countdown to CNY. 3 straight days of holidays is gonna' feel like heaven for me. One extra day added thanks to our generous principal in a good mood due to the pretty good average of our "O" level scores. Hopefully I'll be able to achieve the average and below. 10 points come on, it makes me feel unimportant. The magnitude of "O" levels force pathetic tests like CA1 to cower in fear. But yet these little tests give you a reminder of where your standard lies among this exceptionally smart cohord. How I pray i'll do well in general. So you 'have great hopes that the patient's religious phase is dying away', have you? I always thought the Training College had gone to pieces since they put old Slubgob at the head of it, and now I am sure. Has no one ever told you about the law of Undulation? Humans are amphibians - half spirit and half animal. (The Enemy's determination to produce such a revolting hybrid was one of the things that determined Our Father to withdraw his support from Him.) As spirits they belong to the eternal world, but as animals they inhabit time. This means that while their spirit can be directed to an eternal object, their bodies, passions, and imagination are in continual change, for to be in time means to change. Their nearest approach to constancy, therefore, is undulation - the repeated return to a level from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks. If you had watched your patient carefully you would have seen this undulation in every department of his life - his interest in his work, his affection for his friends, his physical appetites, all go up and down. As long as he lives on earth periods of emotional and bodily richness and liveliness will alternate with periods of numbness and poverty. The dryness and dullness through which your patient is now going are not, as you fondly suppose, your workmanship; they are merely a natural phenomenon which will do us no good unless you make good use of it. To decide what the best use of it is, you must ask what use the Enemy wants to make of it, and then do the opposite. Now it may surprise you to learn that in His efforts to get permanent possession of a soul, He relies on the troughs even more than on the peaks; some of His special favourites have gone through longer and deeper troughs than anyone else. The reason is this. To us a human is primarily food; our aim is the absorption of its will into ours, the increase of our own area of selfhood at its expense. But the obedience which the Enemy demands of men is quite a different thing. One must face the fact that all the talk about His love for men, and His service being perfect freedom, is not (as one would gladly believe) mere propaganda, but an appalling truth. He really does want to fill the universe with a lot of loathsome little replicas of Himself - creatures whose life, on its miniature scale, will be qualitatively like His own, not because He has absorbed them but because their wills freely conform to His. We want cattle who can finally become food; He wants servants who can finally become sons. We want to suck in, He wants to give out. We are empty and would be filled; He is full and flows over. Our war aim is a world in which Our Father Below has drawn all other beings into himself: the Enemy wants a world full of beings united to Him but still distinct. And that is where the troughs come in. You must have often wondered why the Enemy does not make more use of His power to be sensibly present to human souls in any degree He chooses and at any moment. But you now see that the Irresistable and the Indisputable are the two weapons which the very nature of His scheme forbids Him to use. Merely to override a human will (as His felt presence in any but the faintest and most mitigated degree would certainly do) would be for Him useless. He cannot ravish. He can only woo. For His ignoble idea is to eat the cake and have it; the creatures are to be one with Him, but yet themselves; merely to cancel them, or assimilate them, will not serve. He is prepared to do a little overriding at the beginning. He will set them off with communications of His presence which, though faint, seem great to them, with emotional sweetness, and easy conquest over temptation. But He never allows this state of affairs to last long. Sooner or later He withdraws, if not in fact, at least from the conscious experience, all those supports and incentives. He leaves the creature to stand up on its own legs - to carry out from the will alone duties which have lost all relish. It is during such trough periods, much more than the peak periods, that it is growing into the sort of creature He wants it to be. Hence the prayers offered in the state of dryness are those which please him best. We can drag our patients along by continual tempting, because we design them only for the table, and the more their will is interfered with the better. He cannot 'tempt' to virtue as we do to vice. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if only the will to walk is really there He is please even with their stumbles. Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do out Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys. But of course the troughs afford opportunities to our tide also. Next week I will give you some hints on how to exploit them. Got it off my bro's blog, really gets you thinking and reflecting. Just like some questions I was asked this afternoon (not in school) that really got me reminiscing about the past and some whacky things i've done. It was good. Monday, January 12, 2009 a-math Ahh, lagging behind in homework already. I can't differenciate all the maths assignments, they all just look like complicated numbers to me. And there's art homework due next week, famous photographer, hmm. Really lazy to update for anything today, not much happened today. Think i'll get my pants tapered after CNY then, too many school activities going on to have any time for anything else, but I'll make time for you ;) Being given the same treatment of torture, both physical and verbal abuse, he was about to snap. He got up each morning in the same prison cell, only to find his room feeling smaller and darker each day. The air reeked of a malodorous foul smell that would hinder him from getting early shut-eye everyday. The fear of encountering the recurring nightmares would also be an obstacle for his tender mind. When his eyelids closed like that of a shutter, and when his mind dozed off in to a smoky blur, that same specific bloodcurdling nightmare would play in his mind. It would remind him of how he landed himself in the situation of being stuck in this pathetic excuse for a prison. The exaggerations of detail would frighten him to a crazy extent. Excerpts from the commonwealth essay. Sunday, January 11, 2009 count Hey good news! only 354 days till this year ends! How awesome. Damn, the last time I jammed out on my own kit has overshot a week already, signs point to things not going well. I hate the Monday blues. So many overdue homework assignments, and yet I can't be bothered. A-Math? What the hell is that. Can hold my breath only for a little while 'til reality starts sinking in once again i'm settling for second best turn the pages skip to the end to where i swore that i would try since the last time i crossed that line in the back of my mind i know it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken miles away promise from a burning bed two worlds should never collide one word would end it if you ever heard tear the page out that reminds me when i swore that i'd be strong now the next time has come and gone well maybe i'm wrong i know it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken i know what your feeling it's hard to believe in someone, someone who's not there i know that your waiting 'cause love is worth saving but only for so long, so long, so long i swore that i would try since the last time, the last time it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken it only hurts when your eyes are open lies get tossed and truth is spoken it only hurts when that door gets open dreams are lost and hearts are broken Friday, January 9, 2009 koret "Altoe ah, you or kannot focus horh, your steel mus focus, koret not?" Truly words of wisdom from and outstanding and impeccable teacher, it's a sign to start self-studying I guess. I never knew "chinese" could be pronounced at "chyeknee". Wicked cool. Damn all that homework. Free-periods or rather "study-periods" accompanied by 2 more "open" periods given to us by the English teacher lightened the burden of work today at school. so all together I had 5 period of doing absolutely nothing. Who says school doesn't help? But still, how can I complain when i'm given what I want. But within the confinement of school compounds, my happiness level already drops by approximately 50%. Each day my mind has a preset of what's going to happen at every single hour, for eg. 10.45, recess. Band till about 6.45pm or so and home bound by 7.30. Eat, bathe and use the comp from 8-9. Mother nags and I go to sleep. Pretty much what I do for most days. I especially dislike the mother nagging part. Get off my back already. Thursday, January 8, 2009 oxy I find it really ironic that there comes a price you need to pay for saving money. And that price might even kill me. Finally, the stinking Sec 1 orientations are over and I don't have to hear those select few songs any longer. It's freaking friday tomorrow, hell yeah. 3 free periods and a dismissal time of 1.05pm just soothes my mind. But yet, something is there to ruin the whole day, what else could it be but. I finally found a reason to look forward to each and every single day of the year 09'. And the reason is that every single day that passes by reminds me I have one day less I need to survive out of the 365. Wednesday, January 7, 2009 fugly I think my "swear-count" for this year has pushed over just slightly over a 100, possibly more. Never thought that I would worry for somebody so much in my entire life, to lose a sibling right now would just scare the crap out of me. And though I might have lost some sleep, i'm just glad you're back home safely jie. Parents just get anxious and their way of showing that is venting anger, I guess my sister's mature enough to understand that though I can't take it some times. I fucking feel like my mind is lagging by a few seconds behind everything that's happening around me. I'm mentally exhausted, my body is aching and tired and I ain't ready for shit to become some sort of elderly senior to little brats that can't catch a clue of what gratitude is. I don't think i'm ready at all to commit the last two years of my life in school to band, it's too much to handle. I've played the songs so much that they ring constantly in my ears, and it forces me to painstakingly try to shake it all off. I wish I could just drop out of school and lead a life of a country bumpkin. Here in Singapore? No freaking way, I try my best to keep the swearing to a minimum. There will never be a sense of closure for me in this school, guess not until I graduate, which I honestly hope I do. I'm just so fucking pissed with school schedules and stuff. Bring me back to a year of happiness, where school was never an issue to me. I need a break and guess what, school only just started. Now every weekend or more like Sunday feels like the best day of the year. No school commitments WHATSOEVER. Give me some cash so I can fly my troubles away, how bout a menthol. Being languished to a mere midget compared to the Goliaths of the new era, it's pitch black under their shadow. Tuesday, January 6, 2009 shagged Sigh, internal family issues. I ought to change my new year's resolution to "TRY not to sleep in class". Notice the big TRY over there? It's tough, especially when the lights are all turned off so that the OHP can project. Nothing much is really going on in class so far so I shan't elaborate. A'Maths seems more like a chore rather than an actual subject. Especially if you have a teacher that can't enunciate her words properly at all. Other teachers are pretty okay except for my physics teacher being sorta' a bore. Haven't seen my chinese teacher yet though, hope he's okay. Well it marks a new era this year, and I apologise for whatever though you won't see this anyway. Monday, January 5, 2009 To lead the life of a teen without having arguments with your mom would just be plain strange already. But to be in the situation where you exchange words until you hear "just take it as if I'm dead already", is plain fucking ridiculous. constancy Sorry if i'm taking too long to reply. Argh, is it just me or is 09' the year of my mum's constant nagging? It seems like she's seizing every oppurtunity and is thankful for every chance she is given to complain about something. School seems more and more like a chore as each day passes by so woefully, and guess what? Today was the second day of school. I'll just have to adapt to it slowly. The running things on my mind still keep dropping out of no where, just gotta' erase some of em' out. All those little dumplings watching little nonya come to an end must be in deep pain ;D It's tough to find out some way to prove your freaking crudentials and make a stand for what you do. omg stfu. Sunday, January 4, 2009 swing Niacin gets me in a funky-town-dance mood. While psychedelic rock gets me in some sorta' trance. School has barely started but I feel how routined and planned out each and every day is going to be like. School-life is like a continuous re-run of the same "The Simpsons" episode played out every single day. It starts off interesting, then it gets funny and you might enjoy it. But after watching it so many times you finally get sick. Till something called exams come along and "brighten" it all up, how wonderful. Mind you, i'm being sarcastic. We'll be back in the same room over and over again, knowing what we expectantly have to do. And in due time our hardwork and studying should pay off. Hope this within this term lies worthy information to be jotted down and engraved into our brains. Saturday, January 3, 2009 best It's true how they say people who perform better in what they do than you bring out the best in you. Perhaps that's only true for the competitive types, and I guess the less "competitive" ones would just be pushed along in the crowd of competitiveness. If you were the best in the world at something, watch out, you might just be the inspiration for many. Argh, school has bearly started and my daily list of activities is already gonna' konk me out. Tuesday - Art 2.55 - 5.25 Wednesday - Tuition 3 - 5 Thursday - Sectionals 2.15 - 5+ Friday & Sat - Band prac Still followed by compulsory individual practice of 5 hours which pretty much hogs up my Mondays. And I still have yet to confirm a time with my bro to start Math tuition, fuck. Aiy, conductor's and their analogies/metaphors/sayings just freak me out, I wonder how they constantly come up with all this stuff. How am I to "cut the mustard". Friday, January 2, 2009 first-step I guess this first day of the whole new "experience" wasn't so different after all. Maybe it's the fact that everything still feels like 08'. My mind hasn't wrapped around the fact that this year's gonna' be totally different. It was rather slack today, had 3 free periods or rather "study-periods" during my classes bio lesson. I think it's just what I need, though I might get distracted some times. Just to catch up on undone homework and delayed stuff. I guess my english teacher pretty much gave me a nice impression of him, very polished looking man he is. I like his style. Haha, though I didn't really get the impression that my as. form teacher came across as a "friendly" lady. Perhaps i'll just have to dwell further into this interesting year, let's see where the economy takes us to. Pray to God it doesn't affect any of you. Thursday, January 1, 2009 re-run Well, let the routined-life begin. Sure there will be some freedom in between some days, but well, the life of a student is like the life of a slave. But I guess with less exaggerated labour and all that. I shall await the challenges that lie ahead this year, and i'm taking them head-strong. I guess I have to enjoy what I have left to enjoy and make the extreme best out of it. Squeeze every inch of time and fun I can and think about the consequences later on, maybe that shall be my motto for this new year. School hasn't started yet, but my schedule's already pretty much booked for every other week. 09' Why does everyone say "HAPPY new year", when most of em' aren't even happy when they say it. Sigh, this new year is a rather depressing and draggy one. Father had to pick me up early from church so he could go drinking and I didn't really get to wish many people a GOOD new year, rather than a happy one. Sigh, 09' is up to a bad start and i've only been living through this year for 2 hours and 10 minutes. Fuck, well like I can do anything about it. Just to thinking about how each deepshit problem in 08' has worked out for me sorta' gives me a little comfort zone to relax a little bit. 09's a year of bucking up, I would post my reso's, but I think it would just be too bloody long and draggy, let's just enjoy this year as much as we possibly can and milk it for all it has. Anyway I have 500 pics of the last day in 08' so I guess I got it pretty stuck in my head.
I'm coming back with a goal and nothing is gonna' stop me.