It's time I rebooted my system starting afresh, http://lastly-dispirited.blogspot.com
Profile daniel ng, 14.10.94 http://www.facebook.com/ngyjd.3 http://baby-drummer23.deviantart.com drums; photography; design; pool; gym. victorian slave; 4C. Band Geek no more. 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Monday, March 30, 2009 My conscience must be well-informed From God's own sacred Word, For conscience may be such deformed When standards pure are spurned. oops Dang, big big big mistake today. Ah well, I think I'm all outta' get-out-of-jail free cards already. I hate telling myself to buck up cos' I'd really never listen. Hopefully I can somehow prove something earlier to my mum that my results ain't all bad and my studies aren't the worst either. Hmm how about SA1; L1R5 of 15. That shall be the target, for now that is. Nyeah, will try and salvage myself from the nagging. Bleah, self-improvement is HARDER than steel. Sunday, March 29, 2009 Nyeah, just a rough draft, not finalised. support Screw homework :D Thursday, March 26, 2009 And so, ends the journey of daniel and his smoking days, muahaha. That's all for now. I guess running it off helped occupy that last bit of free time in the night. Oh well, let's continue this journey. Free periods tomorrow cos' of Biology, how awesome ;D Well, take care then (; Day 7 - à Wednesday, March 25, 2009 seconds Ahh... The ever so familiar smell of burnt ash pleases my "nasal needs". Still I shall not fall in to the trap of temptation. Self-control is all that is needed, but it isn't as easy as it sounds though, honestly it really isn't. Wow, 6 days free is already a gigantic step, let alone 7. I never thought I would make it this far, but I did and it feels wonderful. Nyeah, now to start catching up on all that damn holiday homework that's overdue already. Hopefully there's a half-day tomorrow or something. I need a break from the everyday come back home at 8.30p.m routine, it really is draining most of my battery life. Well tomorrow shall be Day 7 :D Let's go all the way! Tuesday, March 24, 2009 Day 5 Woohoo, here we are at Day 5! The sense of achievement keeps getting higher. Results out today, heh, good thing I didn't make the cut for the night-study programme. Results are as follows: English - B3; 68.7 Chinese - C6; 53.3 Geography - C5; 56.0 E-Math - B4; 60.2 A-Math - B4; 64.3 Physics - C5; 55.0 Chemistry - D7; 48.6 Higher Art (AEP) - A1; 84.0 Well, there we go. Rather satisfied with my English, Maths and art. Pretty much screwed up pretty badly for the rest I guess. But oh well, there's always the SA1's for me to improve. Nothing much left to say but I hope I do well for semester 2. I'll try my best to put in at least some effort. I hope to rid my mum of her disquietness by June, maybe that shall be my first target for this term ;D Cya' on Day 7!!! Oh and new pictures! ----> http://baby-drummer23.deviantart.com/ Sunday, March 22, 2009 Hat-trick Hey not bad, it's a hat-trick today. Day 3 started toying with my conscience a lil'. There were temptations here and there but overall no oppurtunities presented themselves to me. I now realize the secret to staying away is to keep yourself overly preoccupied with things to do such that you don't even have a pinch of time to do one at all, it's all in a days work I guess. But yes I can say I'm pretty damn proud of myself. C'mon number 7 come here quickly. Now each time I take a look at my dad I can truly see a minimized version of myself in there, but maybe from another perspective, I would seem like a minimized version of him, heh. The interests we share are outstanding, I can see how his skill levels of table tennis, pool and whatever else has evolved over his teen life. All this "quality-time" spent with him really gives me some insight on how he used to live life as a teen and how he grew up. I love those tender moments, and I love my dad. I now understand why the dads are always the more favourite compared to our dear mothers, well I guess that's how it is for the guys. The dads probably went through about half of the things we are going through right now when they were teens I guess this is what the experiences are for. So that we will be able to understand our children in the next generation. Thus the cycle shall go on and on forever unless the generations keep getting brattier and brattier to a point where they just refuse to listen to all your crap already. Total disregard for the "hierarchy". Saturday, March 21, 2009 two Well Day 2 was pretty damn okay. No thoughts of it whatsoever in my mind. Church event completely took my mind off of it and I feel happy (: I think it's starting to get easier and easier to lay off them death-sticks. I think... Hmm, the day today was rather tiring, allowed me to get a weird uneven tan so now I look pretty red and my shoulders are the colours of soy milk, haha. I'm beat, let's keep this short so I can go to sleep shall we? Await progress from Day 3! Friday, March 20, 2009 progress report This shall finally be the official day 1 for the rehabilitation progress. I shall blog about it everyday till Day 7 where I can finally proudly say, "I have gone a week without a cigarette." Today went perfectly okay, no temptation whatsoever to put one anywhere near my mouth, it was smooth sailing. No thoughts of it as well. Well, other than that, I officially don't want to go for another camp for 3 or 4 months time. 2 camps in a row with a 1-day interval is simply enough to drive you off the edge. Especially if the camp is being organized by you or the camp really sucks. Exhausted from all the running around and the last minute planning of everything. God, I'm glad it's over, but guess what? The holidays are pretty much drained away as well, should've known better. Guess I'll have to make the best out of the weekends then, but for now, let's just think about Day 7 (: Tuesday, March 10, 2009 JB Well all set and ready for camp, now TAKE FIVE. Monday, March 9, 2009 envisage This is probably going to be a long draggy post, so read out of your own will. Hey, but then again, I'm only limited by this little text box here and the keyboard, what else is there to. Excuse the probable minor use of vulgarities later in the post though I'll try and keep them under a minimum usage. Silence, I like it, shh... Many a time I wonder about what life would be as many things, and I wonder about the countless different perspectives it can be seen as. What life would be as a dog? Simply doing nothing for most of the day, entertaining yourself by chasing cars going around the corner, whining for your owner to take you out for a walk or just to scratch that itching spot behind your ear you could never reach. Never having any worries, or any thoughts about the complexities of life such as education, politics and what not. Wouldn't it be awesome living life as a carefree bird? Exploring every "corner" of the sky each day, recognising each tree around that park by the road. But then again, would it be nice to have such a simpleton life, perhaps. I want those hours or days, or months of my life back, I shouldn't have had it shortened. I need a hot coffee. So that I can pour it all over my face. Maybe that way it'll have a better chance of waking me up. Driving a car not knowing the unfamiliar roads around here, then suddenly coming across a junction with many roads to go. There isn't any traffic, neither are there any authorities to hinder you from smithering the speed limit in to nothing but a mere sign that reads "90", so what's going to stop me from picking any road I want? Perhaps the lack of a destination in mind, picking a road to for the sake of not having to sit in the car, stoning. Well if there were a ramp leading up in to the sky, maybe I would take that route, being more adventurous. Sooner or later, I find myself in some sort of void, videos of the past streaming in various different size TV sets, arranged according to their significance in my life. Then I come across this giant set, with nothing but that oh so familiar radio buzzing "no-frequency" noise, with the screen displaying nothing but a clear strking blue. There's no where else to go but right in to the TV. Would that lead to another strage junction? Up, down, left or right, it's all the same in this strange warphole. "Fuck, this is strange". Shall I travel by foot then? Maybe it would be a better choice, I'd be able to set a rather comfortable pace for myself then. Then I come across a 24-hour bar, free drinks being given out. I soon become a slaphappy drunkard in the empty bar, crying out for another shot, oh shit, their all out. This bar isn't what I thought it would be, perhaps it was the car honking at my back pushing me in, it was my only source of food left, either that or death by extreme thirst. The bar is all out of drinks and the new supply is only coming in months later, I need a TRANSFER to another bar with a never-ending source of an exquisite, exotic drink that contains some sort of drug that can keep me happy forever. Better still, that bar would have my favourite music playing everyday. Friends, no pressure. But for me to enter that bar, it would require me to get through a thousand strong bouncers, hired from all over the world to prevent young ones to venture astray. What am I to do? It's a conceivable idea to talk to each and everyone of them, explaining and stating my case, maybe then they would budge. What I would do to get out of the empty bar, just what would I do... But wait, the empty bar might just have some salvation! They stepped up their game and added many new wild drinks that were coming in pretty soon. Drinks that would take your taste buds to a whole new level of satisfaction. The ironic thing is that, I can't get out cos' of the tight security disallowing me of leaving, just what is going on here? I need to consult my conscience and ask him to do the thinkin for me. Maybe the little devil character striding proudly on my left shoulder would win the argument with the little angelic creature on my right shoulder, prancing around. Why are these two imps being such bastards to my little friend called the mind? Toying around with it, kicking it, filling him with "propagandic" viles. It's driving me crazy watching them torture it like that. There's no way out of here now. What's next? Maybe I should have taken that other route with my car. Wait, was I even driving in the first place? Come to think of it, that bouncer from the first bar seems really familiar now... Saturday, March 7, 2009 transit Hmm, over the past two years of the ordinary schooling life, what have I appreciated? Not much but some of the teachers' efforts, were taken in to consideration. I have a sudden urge or rather a "need" to just swap destinations, perhaps change the whole course of my future. Would it be that drastic? It probably would I guess, I don't want to spend my life trying so hard to get in to a decent JC knowing I can't cope well. I guess I never really was a "study-orientated" person. What's next? Thursday, March 5, 2009 after-math I thought after-rain weather was completely suitable for a nice run. Although there might be some truth to that, guess it ultimately comes to whether it ends up raining again and you're unable to see anything, especially a bicycle coming straight at you and about to hit your knee. Damn. Monday, March 2, 2009 jig's up "The next cigarette you smoke- you will have to answer to me!", those were his exact words. Well, I guess the jig is up. I tried my very best to quit and I'm totally clean of any sticks whatsoever now. Hope I don't get myself in to too much trouble. Still, i'm curious how he came to know about it. Yes i'm probably going to bring myself to self-rehab. Other than that, school today was rather typical. Though I need to get my passport validity extended real soon or I won't be allowed to go for the overseas Malaysia camp, hmm, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing? I'm having all sorts of doubts nowadays, who knows. Sunday, March 1, 2009 Tell Would it be possible to ruin your whole entire life in the time-span of 1 hour. Indefinitely, so. But wouldn't you lose your conscience in the process of doing so? Complete disregard of what anybody in the whole entire world felt or viewed the way you were doing things. How much greed would have to fill your whole body in order to lose sense of what you're doing at all. What would it take to wake you up at that point of time, orjust to make you come into the realization that what you did was wrong. At the very brink of losing any little spare drip of moral values in your cup, would it kill you to have a revelation of some sort? Crazy stuff I need to think about nowadays. Prayer is the only thing I seem to be able to confide in. Sigh school tomorrow. 30 more days until the month is over and one quarter of the year 2009 would completely be gone. Unaccessible for the rest of your life unless time travelling technology comes in the next 60 years or so, still, I do have my doubts. It's just going to be school all the way now I guess. Band band band band, how nice for 2 hours of practice a day, haha.
I'm coming back with a goal and nothing is gonna' stop me.